Chapter Text
Based off of, 'an uchiha headcannon' by reader93 on ao3 go read it first to better understand this fanfic
'The clans of konoha are f*cking insane' was the first coherent thought that came out of katsu's brain ever. It was at 6 months old that she had first come across a clan member do clan member things.
Like three different uchiha members all teamed up to kidnap this random person-well a really strong jonin but it didn’t appear like that to a six month old. Katsu watched those three kidnap that poor jonin and she didn’t see them again until 7 months later(-was that kidnapping a marriage ritual?)
The Yamanaka and Nara clans were just as insane-they saw any smart person and instantly stole them. Aburame’s would literally kill someone if they did as little as step on a bug, inuzuka were just like they’re dogs and claimed anyone they saw as part of their ‘pack’ and Hyuga…don’t even get katsu started on the Hyuga those prim and proper neat freaks were some of the most stalkery people on the planet.
For the longest time Katsu had thought that the akimichi clan was the only one even remotely normal until she saw them jump a guy for eating their food.
It was than that Katsu made a mental list of Don'ts
Do not be strong, or in other words don’t be strong enough to have the uchiha notice you
Do not be smart(katsu needs to hide her intelligence, that will be difficult since pretending attracts attention)
Be nice but don’t be family
Be plain and average
Do not become a shinobi-civilian, life is standard, attracts less attention, and if she, an orphaned civilian became a shinobi that would 100 percent make her stand out.
So Katsu remained a civilian, willfully ignorant of all the Shinobi knowledge. Not for long though
One day as her five year old self was walking around, reading a book about math but had brilliantly put a fairy tail cover over it, she felt a weird sensation.
Like energy but more physical almost like slime but it wouldn’t get sticky and no one could really see it.
Fiddling with it, she pushed it down to her feet(which made them feel stronger weirdly enough) then to her hands(they suddenly felt really hot but like in a good way), then finally to her eyes(Katsu felt like she could see so much more now).
Katsu stopped when she overheard a very loud conversation between two shinobi walking beside her.
“Dude, what the f*ck are you doing to your chakra!?” since that was such a nice thing to say around it immediately caught her attention. Chakra? What is that?
“Dude!? What do you mean!? I'm not doing anything with my chakra, what are you doing with it!?” could this possibly have something to do with her? Testing the limits, Katsu sent this weird energy to her heart-speeding it up dramatically.
“DUDE STOP THAT! You're going to give yourself a heart attack!”
“DUDE YOU STOP THAT! We're both gonna have a heart attack!”
Katsu instantly came to a conclusion, whatever this weird energy was; chakra he called it, was something that everyone had. The evidence; they had mistaken what she was doing for each other, they didn’t question what was happening to them only questioned why it was happening meaning it was normal.
The reason katsu hadn’t thought that it was a shinobi only thing is because she could do it, huh katsu is going to have to visit the library sometime-the military dictatorship this land sports will actually help her since all the kids books are filled with shinobi propaganda, anything to get more ninja’s so no one would question when she went diving into them to find out more about this ‘chakra’
Fate then decided to help her because one of those wannabe ninja’s who are still in school ran by her,they dropped a book not noticing that they did-katsu had tried to chase after him but he was too fast for him.
When she saw that it was hopeless, Katsu gave up and slowly looked down at the book in her hand.
Chakra Theory..volume 1. Huh.
…
Walking on the walls and ceiling were easy, standing on water in the bathtub was also easy, physical training was anything but easy. Katsu did one push up before her body decided to be a bitch and betray her, leading her to face plant on the floor.
Just because Katsu wasn’t going to become an ninja didn’t mean she had to remain weak. This is a military dictatorship meaning the weak are controlled by the strong.
If Katsu becomes self-taught then she'll be strong enough to defend herself but not strong enough to be noticed. Never having seen any type of jutsu before she was quite sure what the norm was, so until she did Katsu didn't actually let the Chakra out of her body.
No one ever questioned her, they barely even looked at her since Katsu was an orphan and this town was child-est towards orphans, so she got away with a lot of shenanigans.
Like being alone in the middle of the woods at the ungodly hour of 2 am. Katsu needed to practice walking on water because that's the easiest method of escape in a situation where someone did find out she was practicing with chakra.
Then she felt it-a blistering hatred filled type of chakra. Something katsu had never felt before and was so different from any other type of chakra that she came across.
“What are you doing?” a masculine voice asked her-it was far too high pitched so that meant it was a boy who had not yet hit puberty-young and easy to fool.
“What are You doing?” she asked back, turning around to look at the guy. She was right, it was a young boy. The boy had blue eyes, short blond hair, and was no older than her-maybe a bit taller than her.
“Your-you're standing on water” the boy said it in a tone that suggested he knew people could do it, he just didn’t expect someone like her to do it. That means he is either a shinobi himself, or a person wanting to become a shinobi, or someone from a shinobi bloodline. Civilians wouldn’t know how difficult it is to stand on water.
The symbol on his shirt and the lack of muscle on him crossed out the first two options. So this guy is from a shinobi bloodline-Uzumaki she thinks, they were not a prominent clan in konoha so katsu didn’t know that much about them.
“This isn’t water” take advantage of the fact that he’s five just like her and gaslight him.
“It isn’t?”
“No, it's not. This is ground that looks like water”
“Can I step on it?”
“This is my ground, you can’t step on it” that made the uzumaki sad, Katsu did not give a fuc-a fudge she can’t think that around him.
Being 5 this Uzumaki didn’t really listen to her so before he could step on the water Katsu hopped onto him as that was her best method of attack without actually hurting him.
“WHAT PART OF THIS IS MY GROUND YOU CAN’T STEP ON IT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND!?” she yelled at him.
But then the uzumaki boy started to tear up and before she knew it he was crying-that’s something that katsu knew human beings-especially ones of younger age would cry a lot but it’s something she had never really done. Unless it was to get out of a painful situation involving…the clans(Uchiha cough cough) it was completely illogical and useless to her.
“Uh-please stop crying-im sorry-” how the heck do you comfort a crying child? “If you want-you can step on my ground, just a little bit”
“R-really?” whoever this uzumaki boy was-he brought out something new in her, emotions that's what they are called. She was feeling sad because he was sad. Other than anger, distress, eagerness, or boredom Katsu had not experienced emotions like this. They were strange.
“Yes, you can '' Katsu grabbed onto his arms, gripping around his wrists. Slowly she pulled him up-now she's going to have to trick him somehow.
What happened next-katsu didn’t really know how she did it but it happened and thank the gods it did-she somehow managed to keep the both of them up standing on the water with her chakra alone.
The whole time Katsu could only think'-oh my god, oh my god- I have no idea how the actual heck I'm doing this' perhaps it had something to do with this boy?
"What's your name" Katsu asked him while he was mesmerized by the walking on water, "I'm Katsu Yagamichi"
That caught his attention, he looked up to her with stars in his eyes. "Uzumaki! Uzumaki Naruto you know!-" they both proceeded to fall into the water.
The cold of the water seemed to open a dam in her head. NARUTO!? that uzumaki! Why the actual heck didn't she figure that out right away! They're aren't that many uzumaki's in the village and he looks exactly like his father! Why didn't she notice! This guy is doing something to her, he's making her stupid!
The reason she was panicking had nothing to do with the fact that he was an uzumaki, it was the fact that he was the Hokage's son!
What she did definitely ignited the emotion called curiosity and due to this guy's nature that means he'll want to be friends with her! If Katsu becomes friends with him then that's the equivalent to being dangled over the clans(uchiha cough cough) and she’ll be public enemy number 1! Which to the uchiha is equivalent of look at me! Im so strong and you should kidnap-marry me!
Intending to let herself drown, Katsu didn’t move a muscle but of course naruto did and dragged them both out of the water.
“WOW! It wasn’t water!” Katsu's next plan was to die by suffocating herself but unfortunately holding her breath was painful so that failed quickly.
“…” he’s going to tell everyone about this, that spunky nature of his dictates that he’s going to blabber to everyone, unless-..unless he feels bad for her. That could work.
“Naruto”
“Huh?” he had been busy coughing up water but now she had his attention.
“Do you believe in freedom?”
“Freedom?”
“Yes, freedom. Do you believe in it?”
"I guess so"
"Then can you please keep this a secret? If clans like the uchiha, Nara, Yamanaka found out I could do this then they'll take away my freedom. They're like dragons and steal any strong thing they can get there hands on"
"You want me to hide the fact that you can stand on water this early?" Katsu never expected Naruto to be able to ask that intelligent of a question but he's been making her feel very stupid today so Katsu guesses she'll just have to play on this.
"Yes, prodigies mean death in these lands"
"I'll do it! But on one condition!" She also didn't expect him to know what condition meant either, maybe he's just smarter than Katsu gave him credit for.
"What's your condition?" Katsu already knew what he was going to demand but that didn't mean she wasn't any less curious.
"You have to be my friend you know!- oh and you need to teach me how to do that!"
Katsu narrowed her eyes, "that's two conditions"
"!-well uh…there one condition with two different parts"
Katsu got why he wanted both of the conditions but she still found herself asking him why. "Why do you want to be friends with me?"
For a five year old Naruto really had a very large range of different emotions, he suddenly looked sad and Katsu couldn't understand why. That was frustrating.
"Because..I don't have any friends" if Katsu wasn't so good at controlling her face she would have thrown her jaw onto the ground.
“H-how!?, you're the hokage’s son! Everyone wants to be friends with you!” this was genuinely surprising to katsu, why wouldn’t people want to be friends with him?
“Well yes…at first they did.. But then they all saw how much of an idiot I was and all moved onto someone else” oh, so they just abandoned him?
“You're not that stupid, I'm very smart and you’ve stumped me a lot tonight” if naruto could make her stump then he should at least be not that much of an idiot.
“Really!?” oh there's the stars in his eyes again, “you're the first person to ever tell me that! Everyone always says that sasuke is so smart! I never get called that. My dad told me that most people can’t start walking on water until they’re 14 and you're doing it at five!- You are five like me right?” he waited for Katsu to nod in affirmation. To be able to do that so young means that you're better than sasuke! You have to teach me to be better than sasuke!”
They’re are only 5 sasuke’s in this village, considering naruto is the hokage’s son and thus has more access to people of high clans and less access to civilians there is a 70 percent chance the sasuke he’s talking about is the Uchiha sasuke.
Hm, if Katsu helps Naruto get stronger than this Sasuke it’ll also help her get stronger too but being his only friend will drag the attention to her. Though it could mean protection by the village's leader, access to many more knowledge that she wouldn’t have normally, and….an actual friend.
Perhaps it was her complete isolation that led Katsu to be emotionally stunted no matter how much she dragged herself into the study of knowledge. The human need of wanting a friend was always an evil shadow that never stopped pulling.
“Naruto I’ll be your friend but you have to promise me two things” if he makes two demands then so will she.
Naruto instantly nodded, “One you protect me from all of the Clans, they are completely insane-especially the Uchiha and two You WIll never ever tell anyone about what I’m going to show you-nothing about my prodigy-jutsu-when were not together pretend I don’t even exist”
“I PROMISE YOU KNOW!” he cheered.
“Good, now first off go to bed and meet me here at 9 pm tomorrow-bring some books so I can teach myself first then you” this guy kept making her emotions go wild-Katsu didn’t even realize that she was smiling until naruto pointed it out, making her blush for the first time ever.
“NO I AM NOT!” She tried to attack him again but failed miserably- his chakra was very different from everyone else’s, even when he was happy the chakra was still angry, that intrigued katsu.
The start of a great friendship started that day..also the start of a great mission failed successfully.
Chapter end
